Hot as ICE

Chapter One

There he was: tall, big shoulders, masked face, dressed all in black. “Fuck fascist pigs,” I shouted as I lunged at him. But my shoe slipped in the Minnesota snow. The next thing I knew I was in his arms and he was looking down at me, his icy blue eyes softening with concern.

“Did you hurt yourself? Are you all right?”

“G-get your hands off me,” I said. But my voice came out in a whisper.

He gently placed me back on my feet, holding onto my upper arms for a split second longer than he needed to. I took a deep breath and said, “you cowards won’t even show your face. You won’t let people know your name…” He pulled his mask down to reveal a sardonic smile on his tan face, it seemed out of place in the winter but somehow suited him. He reached in his pocket–was he getting handcuffs? Was I about to be arrested? But no, it was a police notebook.

“It’s against policy to reveal our names, or any other identifying information,” he said, writing on the page. He ripped it out and handed it to me. “Chris Riker,” and a phone number. I paused as I recognized a Texas area code–my home state. For a moment I could almost feel the warmth of the summer sun. But then I remembered where, and who, I was.

“You, you filthy FASCIST,” I shouted, and tore the paper into four pieces and threw them at his face. They fluttered to the sidewalk–landing on a dry spot, not in the snow. He kept looking in my eyes, and it felt like–over the honks of cars and shouting in the street, he could hear me breathing. Then that smile again, and he turned to walk away from me. Is he leaving because he thinks I’ll pick the pieces up? The fucking arrogance. I could see his muscles moving under his shirt.

“Blue card,” muttered a voice next to my ear. I was shocked out of my thoughts and turned to see Renee, our team leader. She was flashing me a blue card in her palm, which meant our time was up and the next shift was set to come in. I followed her away, then I had a brilliant, evil thought–I bet I can doxx that Nazi with his phone number! I turned back, bent down, and picked up the pieces.

Back at headquarters for roundup, I sat in the folding chair and waited for Renee to give her customary talk. Most of us were here already, but then the entryway darkened and a tall, gangly figure paused in it. My heart constricted and I looked down at my lap. I wished she’d sit somewhere else. But when I glanced back up she had spotted me. She broke out into a big, toothy smile and came and took the empty chair to my right, pulling it closer so our thighs touched. “Hey bitch,” said Lilith, “miss me?”

I didn’t want to be rude by moving my chair, but I scooted a tiny bit over so we were no longer touching. “Hey sister. Hope you stayed safe out there.”

“Girrrl, they don’t want to mess with me. Check this out.” Lilith took a knife out of her coat pocket, snapped it open, and flipped it around in her hand. There was dirt under her fingernails, old scabs on her knuckles, and her hands shook with a fine tremor. Renee was standing up front and had started giving her debrief but I didn’t hear anything. I really didn’t like the way Lilith had been acting lately. Everything was somehow a “joke” and deadly serious at the same time. Sometimes I wondered if she’d be just as happy for us all to die together in some dramatic fashion as she would be for us to finally get the chaos out of our city so we could all just go back to class again.

“That’s hardcore, Lilith,” I told her. My hands were in my pockets and I was counting my scraps of thin paper–one, two, three, four. I wanted them to feel warm in my hand but they didn’t. Renee clapped for us, we all clapped for her, and ourselves, and The Cause, and I stood up to get out of there. As we filed out, one-by-one, we were handed our checks for the day. Some people opened theirs right away, standing, looking down, consternated faces, blocking the exit, but I already knew how much it would be–not enough.

I walked into the bathroom but just went straight out the other door. This bathroom had two entrances. My mind was full of too many thoughts and I didn’t want to have to deal with Lilith asking to walk me back to my apartment. As soon as I exited the building I turned a corner and power walked through the blasting wind. Arctic wind, I thought. I imagined this same air that pierced my many layers of clothing as having brushed over the fur of polar bears and howled under the aurora borealis. I passed an ATM but there was a crowd milling about–no way I can deposit this check until daylight. I shook my head, they were probably fine, nice people…but now the men were looking at me. I quickened my pace, then, finally, I was at my apartment.

I plugged in my dead iPhone and turned on the shower. Lea wasn’t home. It felt so good to scrub the grime of the street off of my skin and hair. Afterward I stayed in the steam filled bathroom and brushed my teeth in front of the mirror while checking myself out. Back when I was 15 I remember lying on the carpet talking on the phone with Ashley. I was sticking my leg in the air and trying to make all my toes disappear behind the big toe so the whole leg looked like it ended in a little nub. Then, I noticed something—something had changed. I told Ashley I’d call her back and went downstairs to lock myself in my parents’ bathroom, where they had a full-length mirror. I hiked my shorts up as much as I could and looked from all different angles. There was no way—it couldn’t be. I went to mom’s closet and got a pair of her heels and locked myself in the bathroom again. They pinched because I’m taller than mom but they still worked, and it was true. My legs looked just as good as women in the movies. This crazy feeling of power came over me and I couldn’t wait to try out high heels for real.

As soon as I could I got a pair of sandals with heels. I didn’t want mom to tease me about wearing them so I put them in my backpack and changed into them in the bathroom at school. I was wearing a blue sundress and had my blonde hair in a ponytail. I wondered what people would think of the new me. Ashley was in the bathroom with me, I’d told her my plans, she said I looked fantastic. But in geometry, Rikan Patel sat next to me, he leaned over to show me a video on his phone, the sound was off. It was disgusting porn and the girl was wearing shoes that looked almost identical to mine. I felt the redness climbing up my chest and neck and tried not to let it show, I just leaned away from him and rolled my eyes. Anyway, back to jeans and sweatshirts after that. All men are trash. Which reminded me, time to doxx this trash Nazi cop.

I got dressed, pulled a knitted cap over my wet hair, and sat on my bed with the torn pieces of paper. I puzzle pieced them back together and saw his name: Chris Riker. Let’s start with that.

An internet search came up with way too many Chris Rikers. I tried searching with his number as well but it just pulled up websites where you have to pay to get people’s info, I wasn’t gonna spend money and they’re probably scams anyway. Then I tried “Chris Riker Texas” and again, came up with way too many hits. Looking through all the pictures, none were of him. I definitely remembered what he looked like. Sharp jawline, muscular neck and shoulders, bright blue eyes. He was wearing a hat so I didn’t know what color his hair was. Tried searching Insta and Snap, still couldn’t find him.

I opened Discord to the group chat. Some of them were pretty good at this stuff. Lilith was really good at it. I closed the app, maybe I’ll ask them for help later. Instead I texted Ashley. “I met someone.” Right away my phone started ringing. “Hello!”

“You know what I’m gonna say.”

“Do not say it.”

“Asexuality is not real!”

“Yes it is! OMG girl. Anyway…it’s not like that, this is different.”

“OK, start with where you met him. No, first tell me what he looks like.”

“It doesn’t matter what he looks like, I promise it’s not like that!”

“Come on girl, tell me anyway, I need to draw a mental picture.”

“OK, blue eyes. That’s all I’m telling you. And I met him at the protest.”

“Oh God. You’re gonna die out there girl, would you please stop doing that? Also I don’t like him now.”

“He’s an ICE agent.”

“Uh

h. . .”

“So that’s why it’s not like that! He’s an evil Nazi pig. I’m just trying to find out information about him so I can doxx him.”

“That’s…not very nice.”

“Yes it is.”

“I bet they don’t let them have social media and stuff. But why this particular one?”

“Well I was—I slipped in the snow and he caught me. Then he gave me his phone number. I thought he was gonna arrest me.”

“Aww, that’s really sweet. Come on, is he hot?”

“Ashley. No guys are hot.”

“Uh huh.”

“OK, so are you gonna call him?”

“I was thinking about it. What do you think?”

“I think you should call him but I don’t think you should doxx him. Go hang out with him and have a good time.”

“Doxxing him will be a good time.”

“What if he’s really nice? What if you like him.”

“That is disgusting and trust me, I won’t like him. I don’t like guys. But that’s what I wanted to ask your advice about…OK Ashley, how are you supposed to act if you do kind of like a guy? So he doesn’t get suspicious.”

“You were wise to come to me for counsel. Basically just be nice. You want to wear a cute dress. Ask him questions about himself, guys love to talk about themselves. You can ask him to explain something and then when he does, say this line, it never fails, say, ‘wow, you’re soooo smart.’ I’ve experimented and it is literally impossible to say that line, even if you say it sarcastically, and they don’t love it.”

“Are all men stupid, Ashley? That sounds too easy. Besides, no way I’m wearing a dress.”

“Why not? Oh, probably cause it’s like negative fifty degrees up there.”

“That’s one of the reasons.”

“Doooo it. Calllll him. And then call me back.”

“OK, I’m gonna do it. And I will call you back.”

“Ahhh this is exciting! OK, good luck, I love you!”

“Love you too, talk to you soon.”

*click*

My head was freezing because we couldn’t turn the heat up much, so I took my cap off and hung it on a lamp. Dried my hair more with a fresh towel, and then put on one of my other wool caps. Looked at myself in the mirror one more time. Then, picked up the scraps of paper again. I put them on my desk and taped them together so it would be easier to read. My heart was beating out of my chest. What if he realized I was trying to trick him? What would he do to me? Maybe he wasn’t even off his shift, maybe he wouldn’t hear his phone ringing in all the chaos?

I dialed the number and hit the green button. He picked up on the first ring.

“This is Riker.” His voice sounded way more harsh than before, I hesitated for a second. “Anyone there,” he continued?

“Hi.”

“Oh yes, hello,” he replied. Now his voice was nice again, just like he had been when he asked if I was hurt.

“Hello. This is Julia.”